Ahh, Perry the Platypus,
We meet again.
You should see your face!
Every time this happens,
You act like we haven’t done it for the last fifteen years running.
What a show!
What a life!
Anyways,
You’re probably wondering why I’ve trapped you here.
You see,
Vanessa made me go to therapy because I’m an absentee father,
Borderline schizophrenic and high on mushrooms for the majority of my waking hours,
But I’ve been journaling and going on long walks
And I’ve figured out that if I just freeze everything right here,
Nothing can possibly get worse!
You see, Perry,
Vanessa’s graduating next year,
This show has been running for 17 years now
And a normal platypus’s lifespan is 20.
Do the math, Perry!
Pretty soon we won’t have these moments,
These strange little B plots,
And I’ll have to put on a suit and stop making inators and take up accounting or
something!
What’ll I do with all this evil energy?
I could take up pottery,
But my hands aren’t soft enough for that!
Behold,
The STOPinator!
Once I press this button,
Everything on Earth will stop what it’s doing forever
And stay exactly the way it is!
Pretty cool, right?
My therapist says I need to heal my childhood trauma,
But we’ve had a pretty good run so far,
Haven’t we?
Sure, I covered the East Coast in tinfoil
Melted 84 chocolate shops
And turned my building into a killer robot,
But things always wrap up pretty neatly
At the end of every episode.
Everyone’s okay,
Right Perry?
I haven’t sinned?
I mean,
You forgive me, right?
Anyways,
Enough of the touchy feely stuff.
With the pull of this lever, Perry,
We’ll stay like this forever!
You’ll keep fighting me
And the boys’ll keep cleaning up my messes
And Vanessa can stay angry but still present
When I come home covered in nondescript goo at the end of every episode.
I can stay broken,
Perry.
I don’t have to change.
Give me one reason I shouldn’t flip this switch, you bastardized mammal.
I knew it.
You’re scared too.